It hurts to realize that I'm getting past those lovely but drastic young days. I can't forget it though I'm getting farther and farther day by day. The little girl who became me knew that a day like this is going to come. The one day I will forget all the saddness I had and try to become a happy little lady. The day I will try to get rid of all the trouble I had. Now, the latter is still not exactly true; I don't mean to get rid of the old days. Still, I don't resemble them so much as I would have done before. The trouble, the damage it had given me, was the thing that supported me through my life. The reality that I do not rely on it as I used to do before is frightning. What does it leave me to be? Without that, who could I ever be? Who am I when I forget everything and become a normal lady living normally in some happiness? I won't establish anything anymore. I won't be anybody. I don't want to become a somebody without any name at all. Sometimes I notice I wish to go back to the days when I was more naive and stupid but at the same time so earnest. I belived I could die, kill myself for somebody. Where did that passion inside me go? Now, who can kill me like my secret admirer would have done without even knowing?
I know I'm getting too far into my own self. I know, but I cannot help it. I need somebody or something to support me through my way. Something to define me; something to make me myself. I do know that I must find that for my own sake but do not have the strength at the moment. Maybe a little rest will do the job...